Blackie

"I am a small dog. Very small. Tiny. Very tiny. My humans have trouble seeing me, so I shall lay here in the kitchen doorway so they will know where I am at all times." (Ed. note, Blackie is on a diet, as she's over 75 pounds, and a very large dog.)

"My humans see me and tell me I am a good dog. Very good dog and that I should lay right where I am at all times, so they can find me." (uh huh, it's very hard to misplace a dog of that size.)

"I am such a good dog they praise me for staying right where they can see me at all times."

"My humans go into the kitchen to make food, maybe this time they will make some for me. Humans food is very good. I know this because my human gives it to me every now and then and it is very tasty." (My gf yells at me for feeding the dog table scraps, but it's hard to ignore those puppy dog eyes.)

"They tell me good words about where I lay, and that food is coming soon." (by now you should have figured out that Blackie's view of what we tell her is rather 'different' than what we really say. You can be pretty assured what she thinks and what we think/say are opposite.)

"There was no human food for me today, but perhaps they didn't see me, after all, I am a very small dog. Very small. Tiny. I shall show them where I am by putting my very small tiny head on their laps. Then they will see where I am and give me humans food."

"They notice me and speak kind words! My favourite thing!"

"They tell me I am a good dog, a smart dog. I roll over to let my humans scratch my belly."

"I am such a good, tiny small dog."

"Yes, very good dog indeed."

Bone

Blackie's thoughts.

"My human gave my a bone! My favourite thing!" (Ed. note, although Blackie is my gf's dog, she's totally glommed on to me, to the near exclusion of all else. Probably because I pay attention to her and give her food. Or possibly because I have this animal magnetism.)

"Oh boy! The bone is filled with peanut butter! My favourite thing!"

Slurp, slurp, slurp, lick lick lick, chomp chomp.

"Oh bone, why do you vex me? I can't get to all the peanut butter! I must lick more!"

Slurp, slurp, slurp, lick lick lick, chomp chomp.

"What was that? My human tells me I am a good girl. I wag my tail and smile!" (Ed. note, my gf told Blackie to be quiet, she was making too much noise chewing on her bone.)

"My favourite thing! My human looked at me! I roll over so he can pet me! Then he spoke to me and told me I was smart and smelled nice!" (Ed note, pretty much the opposite of what was just said. Still, she can't help being a dumb dog.)

"Back to my favourite thing, my Bone!"

"Oh! My favourite thing again! My human tell me I am smart and it's bedtime! Also my favourite thing! I walk gracefully into my crate for bedtime."

(Ed. note, she whacked her head on the door to her crate on the way in.)