Blackie

"I am a small dog. Very small. Tiny. Very tiny. My humans have trouble seeing me, so I shall lay here in the kitchen doorway so they will know where I am at all times." (Ed. note, Blackie is on a diet, as she's over 75 pounds, and a very large dog.)

"My humans see me and tell me I am a good dog. Very good dog and that I should lay right where I am at all times, so they can find me." (uh huh, it's very hard to misplace a dog of that size.)

"I am such a good dog they praise me for staying right where they can see me at all times."

"My humans go into the kitchen to make food, maybe this time they will make some for me. Humans food is very good. I know this because my human gives it to me every now and then and it is very tasty." (My gf yells at me for feeding the dog table scraps, but it's hard to ignore those puppy dog eyes.)

"They tell me good words about where I lay, and that food is coming soon." (by now you should have figured out that Blackie's view of what we tell her is rather 'different' than what we really say. You can be pretty assured what she thinks and what we think/say are opposite.)

"There was no human food for me today, but perhaps they didn't see me, after all, I am a very small dog. Very small. Tiny. I shall show them where I am by putting my very small tiny head on their laps. Then they will see where I am and give me humans food."

"They notice me and speak kind words! My favourite thing!"

"They tell me I am a good dog, a smart dog. I roll over to let my humans scratch my belly."

"I am such a good, tiny small dog."

"Yes, very good dog indeed."

Lucky

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

"....huh what? The tall human is taking me out of my home. I was sleeping, do you not know this tall human?"

"Where am I going? I am so high above the ground, I am in fear. I tuck my head in to protect it, and use my tail to wrap around the tall human."

"Oh, a new home, it is much smaller than my normal hom....

"...a white mouse! Yum! That was the best white mouse ever!"

"Another! Yum! That was the best white mouse ever!"

"And another! Yum! That was the best white mouse ever!"

"A fourth white mouse! Yum! That was the best white mouse ever!"

"What? No more white mice from the tall human? Hmmm, will okay. But just this time I shall be content with only four. But next time, tall human, I want more."

"I am lifted out of the too small new home, and go flying again. Frightened, I tuck my head in to protect it, and use my tail to wrap around the tall human."

"Ah, back to my normal home. It is quiet and warm, and I move in. Soon I am comfortab..."

....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Argo

"I'm basking on my branch above my house, feeling warm and lazy, when the human tries to pick me up. I hiss and inflate, showing irritation, but I don't really mean it. I lick his hand to show I am friendly."

"The human's hands are warm and idly I wonder what his fingers would taste like, but I know better food awaits me."
"Into the pool room I go!" (Ed. note, the master bathroom with a stand up shower. The basin holds just enough water for Argo to float a bit.)
"I enjoy the pool, the rain is soft and warm, and I expand my stomach for full warmth."

"Warm, so warm, I drift off to sleep."

Blorp! (Ed. note, you can figure out what *that* means all on your own.)

"Ah, I feel better now, the pool is drained and more warm rain comes in. A brief soak then off to wander around, many new smells to take in. I especially like climbing high up, so I can see more things and jump on human heads. They make such funny noises when I do this." (Ed. note, my gf screamed when Argo did this.)

Sniff sniff

"What's this? I smell meat! Yes, red fresh meat, served to me by the human. I eat it all up, licking my lips clean to get all the taste. There is nothing like the taste of red fresh meat. Yum!"

"Full, I let the human pick me up, noting that the fingers don't smell like red fresh meat. Maybe I will leave them alone. Back in my home, there is a fresh rainpool to mess up."

Splash splash.

"There, much better. Now into my house to sleep."

Bone

Blackie's thoughts.

"My human gave my a bone! My favourite thing!" (Ed. note, although Blackie is my gf's dog, she's totally glommed on to me, to the near exclusion of all else. Probably because I pay attention to her and give her food. Or possibly because I have this animal magnetism.)

"Oh boy! The bone is filled with peanut butter! My favourite thing!"

Slurp, slurp, slurp, lick lick lick, chomp chomp.

"Oh bone, why do you vex me? I can't get to all the peanut butter! I must lick more!"

Slurp, slurp, slurp, lick lick lick, chomp chomp.

"What was that? My human tells me I am a good girl. I wag my tail and smile!" (Ed. note, my gf told Blackie to be quiet, she was making too much noise chewing on her bone.)

"My favourite thing! My human looked at me! I roll over so he can pet me! Then he spoke to me and told me I was smart and smelled nice!" (Ed note, pretty much the opposite of what was just said. Still, she can't help being a dumb dog.)

"Back to my favourite thing, my Bone!"

"Oh! My favourite thing again! My human tell me I am smart and it's bedtime! Also my favourite thing! I walk gracefully into my crate for bedtime."

(Ed. note, she whacked her head on the door to her crate on the way in.)

Introductions and Explanations

My girlfriend and I have an unusual assortment of animals under our care, all with varying degrees of intelligence. She suggested we write down some of the things we see them do on a daily basis, and perhaps some of the thoughts they might have.

So here it is.

The animals in our care are:

"Blacky" a rescued mixed breed black lab and terrier dog of highly questionable intelligence. She is, however, really sweet, loyal, and obedient. Most of the time. All these things leave little room for thought and she is one of the dumbest dogs I have ever known. Doesn't stop her from being lovable however, and she will provide plenty of fodder for this journal.

"Lucky" a rescued Python regius, aka Ball Python. Lucky is an adult of unknown age, who arrived in my care under terrible conditions. He was fed 1 small mouse every month. A normal four foot ball python eats 4 mice a week. I wasn't sure if he could be saved, but I am trying and Lucky now eats properly.

"Linus" a Candoia bibroni australis, aka Solomon Island tree boa. Unlike most (all?) tree boas, Linus is docile. No clue whether male or female, it is too small yet to tell. I shall be referring to Linus as a he, until I find out differently. Linus got his name because he had a death grip on a piece of driftwood and wouldn't let go, so I bought the wood as well.

"Argo" a rescued Varanus rudicollis, aka Roughneck monitor. Unlike Linus, Argo is most definitely male. Don't ask me how I know this, look up the biology of monitors if you want a clue. Argo has not been handled on a regular basis by his former owner, who didn't take proper care of him, and as a consequence, he's a little nervous, and also sick. Working on fixing both those issues.

"Rosy" and "Pistachio" two corn snakes. Female and male respectively. These are my girlfriend's pets of many years. Coloured as you would expect given their names. Large and eager feeders, they nonetheless are very tame and fun to interact with.

"boB" a rescued albino leopard gecko. boB's original name was "Bob" but we didn't like that, so we scratched it, and reversed it, and now it fits him much better. He's also in a much larger environment. Mostly nocturnal.

Assorted fish, tetras, and a tank full of hermit crabs.

Yes, we bought a new house to have room for them all, why do you ask?